Dating or 'Hanging Out'

It used to be that unmarried people took the word “dating” seriously. A “date” is defined as “a social or romantic appointment or engagement”. Key work there is “appointment”. One asks the other for an appointment, or a date, and the other accepts or denies. These “appointments” were a time to get together and get to know one another. To see if their interest was a good comparison with yours, and also, can you even stand this other person? So much more than not, these days, dates consists of just being with the other person and “hanging out”. Is there a reason that a “date” should be “hanging out” or should we get back to making an appointment?

Back in the days that my parents went to school, and before, it was costmary to ask your “interest” to go to a movie, or dinner, or skating. Anything that would consist of you and that other person, going somewhere together to get to know each other. They often times would do a double date, with another couple. This was a great place to start as you weren’t under the pressure of making conversation with someone you hardly even know. As the relationship grew, they would spend more and more time together a lone and at that point, they would “hang out”. However, my parents still believe that it is important to a relationship to have a “date night”. Friday comes, and we know that they will not be at home, but will be on their weekly date. They say that is their alone time to reconnect.

Connection, which is what dating

 is all about. If you look forward to be with that person, then you know the connection is there. Dating pulls two people together and proves weather that relationship is something you crave for the rest of your life. It helps us to build even stronger relationships that will last into the eternities. Do you want to be with that person, or better yet, can you be with that person into that eternity?

Is “hanging out” a good idea? Of course, hanging out can be a great way to deepen a relationship, but it is not really the same as “dating” at all. In making an appointment to see someone you are telling that person, “I think you are important enough to take somewhere together and talk and spend quality time together”. Again, even after your married, dating is important. It shows you “want” to be with that person alone. It can be just to talk and get updated on the week, or month, or whatever it is, or it can be a formal dance, dinner, or whatever. The unfortunate thing about “hanging out” is it doesn’t show the other person they are important in your life. It’s almost like it shows the opposite; like you’re not impotant enough to me to take out alone and do something.

However, the upside to “hanging out” is that it is a cheaper alternative to dating. I think that is why It’s so hard to “date” for younger people. Hanging out still gives you time together, but you’re not strapping yourself with money. Unfortunately, this is what I end up doing most of the time. I’m a college student that doesn’t have money. Although I do try to take my interest out and at least have some fun, I cannot always do something that makes her feel important. I know that a “date” is important, so if I can find something that doesn’t cost anything, or very minimal, I will do that. Sledding is one date I found is fun and doesn’t have to cost money, or very minimal.

I hope that we can all get back to basics and realize the key to any relationship is time. Take time to get to know, and time to dedicate to one another. Although it is not always easy, this is so very important for any relationship. Whether it be dating or hanging out, let’s all make it quality time no matter what.

Strengthening our Brothers and Sisters

The world has changed drastically in the past 2 decades.  we see more and more greed, corruption, immorality, and the family unity is constantly being under attack. With so much negativity in the world, how do we find solace?

I have found that, with so much contention lingering everywhere, I am making a conscious decision and effort to focus more on my own life and bringing those around me unto Christ. Doing so is bringing not only peace into my life, but I like to think I’m making a difference in others as well. I feel the love of Christ as I strive to strengthen others.

President Nelson has called upon us as Latter-Day Saints, to take the challenge of bringing all of Gods children unto Christ by gathering Israel. He said it is "the greatest challenge, the greatest cause, the greatest work on Earth today."

Everybody has their own struggles. It is part of the life that we agreed to while in the premortal existence. We all agreed that we wanted to come to earth and agreed to the challenges we would face. We have been asked to not only endure, but to carry one another's burdens and strengthen one another.

When I think of strengthening others, it doesn’t just mean helping our neighbors and family. It also means to be understanding and knowing that everyone truly does have their own struggles that they are battling every day. Some are battling a loss of a loved one, some are battling depression, some are struggling with parents getting divorced after so many years, and the list goes on forever. When we are going about in our daily lives, it is important to remember that we are not the only ones struggling. The person who just cut you off on the freeway, could be racing to a family member in the hospital. Strengthening our brothers and sisters means to be loving to everyone around us. We must not be quick to judge.

Another thing I constantly am thinking of personally, and I know for a fact that I could do better, is simply, charity. After all, we are told that Charity is the pure love of Christ. Charity comes in so many different forms. I think for me, the first and foremost form of charity that comes to my mind is helping those who are struggling. From personal experience, when I am extremely depressed or down in the dumps, one of the best things anyone can do for me is to simply be a friend to me and even just take time to be with me. Simple acts of kindness even as small as a note that says “thinking of ya’ can mean so much when people are in low places. Even if we are not close to people. For example, social media, occasionally it can be obvious when others are struggling just by seeing someone’s Instagram story or Facebook post, and we may not know them that well, but reaching out and inviting them to do something or offer to take them dinner can mean the world! I have had this happen to me, even recently, and I will forever have so much respect for the individual who took the time to be with me in hard times. Not only can these acts of service be charity, they can create lifelong friendships.

How do we come to strengthen one another? The greatest commandment was to love the Lord thy God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all that mine. The second is: "love thy neighbor as thyself". Loving our neighbors means unselfish acts of kindness and serving. Christ said, " in as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me". By always having Christ in our hearts we will be guided and directed to those that need to be strengthened. Let us do our part to be there for those souls that need us and be instruments in God's hands to bring the world "unto Zion".

Pick Your Battles

I can’t tell you how many times I heard the words, “Pick your battles”, from my mom’s mouth growing up. Sometimes those words would grind at every core of my being, but other times, it would remind me that I was, quite possibly, being intolerant to others, and sometimes even myself.

Just exactly what did she mean? Sometimes we are so quick to judge someone, other times we snap at someone for unimportant things. I believe it was a reminder to us to think about how we would feel in the same situation, and decide if responding to someone or something the way we automatically want to is worth it. Is it worth the sad, harsh, or bad feelings we may cause to someone? She would tell us, “Stop! Think about what you are about to say. Would it hurt your feelings if someone said it to you?” And, most importantly, “Is it worth it?”

Intolerance can be so ugly. Why is it the world is so quick to judge? It seems people are getting so much more intolerant of others? Does it really matter if a person doesn’t dress the way you think is “cool”? Or if they color their hair pink, blue, or even purple? Does it matter if someone looks poor, or acts like an imbecile at times? What if that person is just letting loose after a horrible life’s challenge? Does it matter if others have a difference of opinion about politics, religion, social status, or even about gays and lesbians? We all are somewhere different in our lives. You never know the battle someone if fighting. Some of the tiniest obstacle for you, could be someone else’s mountain to climb. So, when I hear my mom’s words of “Pick your battles”, I am reminded that letting words just pop out of my mouth is not what I should do. I need to listen to her words and decide, before I speak, if the words I am about to spew is worth what will come about if I say them.

She also uttered the words, “Remember who you are and what you stand for” as we were walking out the door. She has stated that she didn’t think those words even stuck with any of us, but I can tell you from my own memory, boy did they ever! I would often walk out, and, as I was driving, would reflect upon those words. Who I am really? Well, I know that her point was, “I am a child of God, who loves me”, so when I heard those words, I was reminded that I have a Heavenly Father and I have made covenants with him. I was also warmed with the feeling of the love that he has for me. Tears often would come to my eyes at the knowledge of that great love and I wanted to do good; for him. Doing good is what she meant for “what you stand for”. Her hopes in telling each one of us that as we left the house, was that we would make good and wise choices. Choices that would remind everyone around us what we stand for. We stand for Jesus. We stand for love and everything that is good. Her constant reminder, at just the perfect time, will forever be in my mind. Even in the rough times, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, and wants me to be happy. Living with those words have repeatedly reminded me that making good choices and following the commandments will lead me back to my Heavenly Father and brother, Jesus Christ, as well as my family. I’m so grateful for that knowledge and hope that I can always take time to reflect upon the words of my mother; “Remember who you are, and what you stand for”.

Family Sub-Systems

As I have researched this week about the family, I have focused it on sub-systems and Symbolic Interaction Theory. These both captured my attention because I can easily recognize what they mean and categorize them. I will elaborate what I mean in the following paragraph.

Growing up, my siblings and I all had a portion of our school years in the home being homeschooled by our mother. We developed not only good independent study, but a strong bond with our mother. We each shared in a sub system relationship with our mother. Mine was one of what you might say, “Mama’s boy”. Even though I may be a “mama’s boy” we had good times and we also had stressful times. I had to learn the hard way a lot, but all in all, my lessons were always from the heart and made with love.

The family dynamics of my family built strong bonds. The fact that my sister’s and I were at home for school brought us closer together. It taught us how to be there for each other, how to work together and work out our strong personalities amongst each other. Mom was the enforcer and through even “the eye” we received feedback from out behavior. Her kindness was also a major influence on us all. Although it was hardly ever what I would call “fun”, I always knew and felt that this sacrifice she made for us was something that we should all be grateful for. She had a strong influence on each of us. She molded our behaviors with each one of the subsystems in our household.

Another subsystem in my family would include my mom and dad, as the Executive System. Mom and dad would discuss our education and our religious goals together and from that, we knew the rules were made. Arguing over these decisions never worked out well for any of us. We knew not to argue with our curriculum and tried to make the best of it. I remember one year they decided that I would take cooking lessons. I would consider this as one of the conflicts, or power struggles in my mom and I’s relationship. We had many of those, but this one sticks out in my mind the most I have to admit I was kind of a stinker in the desire to do this class. I was pretty confrontation to my poor mom in that class. I really did not want to do this class for some reason. Looking back now, I don’t understand why I had such a problem with this class, but it was bad. Even though I gave my mom a lot of grief over learning to cook, I knew that it was useless to try and get out of it. Looking back now, I know why I didn’t learn much in my cooking class. I really did not enjoy cooking, but I did learn the basics and I know because of that class, I can figure out how to make, at least, basic food and I probably wont ever die of starvation.

All in all, the subsystems in my family are perfect for me. Homeschool was a huge influence in the way I saw the world and myself, along with my family, and it also was a huge influence on my relationships, behaviors and my well-being in growing up. I love the relationship I have with my mom and know that it was strengthened because of those years I had home with her learning and growing. It may have made me a “mama’s boy” but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Is the gradual, but steady decrease in family size affecting everyone, or just the family? In the past several decades the family size has decreased from 3.8 in 1950, to 1.8 in the present time. There could be many different reasons for this decline, so is it bad? Can it be considered a good thing, or are we all just messing with God’s plan to replenish the earth?

There is more than just one reason of the family shrinking. The number one reason, I believe, is that women are much more involved in the work force than ever before. They now have many more opportunities being presented, and accepted to women. Men are staying at home with the children a lot more than ever, however, with the women in the work force, it has become increasingly more difficult for them to have the number of babies they were having previously.

Another reason for the decline in families is because of the cost of raising children. The average cost raising a child to the age of 18 has increased over the past decades from 198,500 to $245,340 in 2013 (1). This is a lot of money, especially for your “mid-income” family. This can cause hard ships that couples are just not willing to take.

The divorce rates could also have something to do with the decline in family size. Once a couple enters into a marriage and has a child, the statistics are showing more and more that that couple ends in divorce. The strain of splitting the child from their natural parent is real in a family, and will, most often times, cause problems with that child, or children. That is a hardship for both parent and child. After one divorces, it is much more difficult to want to bring another child into the equation.

Having less children does not automatically cause the children in the family to have entitlement. I come from a family of three children. I don’t feel that my parents would have given more any “more” if I had only one sibling vs what I was given. If I was the only child, I would think I probably would have been more “entitled”. Not necessarily with “things” but I might think that the attention always needed to be on myself rather than share the spotlight with others. In thinking of friends I have that are only children, I can see where they would be a little more self centered, but I don’t think they even realize it. It’s just how they have been brought up. All the attention was on them. Their parents had no other children to focus on, so it went to their child. Two or three is good in my opinion.

It has also been argued that having more children could hurt the environment or economy. I would like to point out China for this point. China had a “one child” policy for many many decades. Their government realized the hardship that was actually making on their economy, so in 2016 they increased it from one child to two. They were seeing that the were experiencing a “growth decline” and knew that this would be detrimental to their economy. With their “one child” policy they were having less people to work in a very large population. They are aging and dying, and without more birth than deaths, the population was declining. Now that they have put in the two child policy, they are stil not seeing the incline they feel they need to sustain their economy. This is due to people being used to just one child and are often times choosing not to have any children at all. One of those reasons for not having any is due to the increase in the cost of living. It’s a full circle. By making it policy to have only one child, they have come to hurt the whole country rather than help it.

Having less children in this day and time, I believe, is inevitable. There are so many people struggling to make end meat, and as inflation comes about, it is just worse and worse. Let’s not, however, condemn those that choose to have more. It was commanded by God to go forth and replenish the earth, so whether it be one, two or ten, let’s all work together to make this world a happy and loving place where families and be families either big or small.

(1)     Gao, George. “Americans' Ideal Family Size Is Smaller than It Used to Be.” Pew Research Center, Pew Research Center, 8 May 2015, https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/05/08/ideal-size-of-the-american-family.